Strangers
BY: Sarah Cameron
We rely on outward appearances to communicate whenever possible. Taking surface-level truths with first impressions, then we fill in the blanks based on our own level of understanding. Call it discernment, judging, social profiling, or whatever you’re comfortable with.
Roughly 1 out of every 6 people has some type of disability, and it’s estimated that 96% of those are considered invisible illnesses. How can the already invisible percentage of society have their truth seen and heard in a world that’s not paying attention to begin with?
That’s the million-dollar question.
It’s human nature to notice the familiar, relatable, and pleasant things. The unknown and the absurd. If it falls somewhere in between, it can be missed entirely.
The lady on the train caught your attention because she was carrying the exact same purse as you.
I happened to notice the look of discomfort in her face as she shifted her weight. Her legs were swollen, and she was having trouble standing.
It is quite possible the man who offered his seat initially noticed her beauty, or perhaps he was simply being a gentleman.
None of these perspectives are wrong, they’re personal. It’s what we know.
We hold doors for one another, share sidewalks, and sit in waiting rooms together. But unless something memorable or impactful occurred during these moments, chances are we didn’t really notice each other.
So tell me, what do you see?
You drive past me during your morning commute to work, and you’ve stood behind me in the checkout line. Maybe I looked pretty, or my wiggle caught your attention as I walked by.
Hell, maybe I’m sporting a dirty hoodie and pajama pants, strolling down the aisles pushing a squeaky shopping cart. My hair is pulled up into some mangled mess of a bun, and you’re wondering if I need help finding the body wash.
Sound familiar?
Here’s what you don’t see…
You don’t see how difficult it is for me to leave the house to begin with. How many days I might spend attempting to go out. Or that I can easily use up all of my energy just from showering and getting dressed, leaving me too sore or exhausted for anything else.
The longer I go without running my errands, the more I’ll need to do, which consequently requires more energy.
So I’m forced to reallocate the strength I hope to have (because I can’t say for sure), then prioritize what gets accomplished in order of urgency and capability.
If I skip the shower, pretty clothes, and makeup, I have a better chance of getting through the day. Always keeping in mind that I’ll still need energy to be able to make it back home again.
So, whether you caught me on a good day or not, the end result will be the same. The very fact that you saw me speaks volumes of consequences that will reverberate throughout my existence for the coming days.
~
When half a dozen strangers unknowingly witnessed an act of humility and kindness.
The man who stood next to me had simply asked if I knew how to get to the mall, and it was blatantly obvious to you that I was ignoring him. Luckily for him, you were paying attention and offered directions.
You made quite the example out of me when you pointed out how easy it was for you to help a fellow pedestrian. In fact, if it wasn’t for your obnoxious reaction, I would never have been aware of your good deed that day.
You, along with everyone else at the intersection, happened to be standing on the right side of me. A side that showed no visible headphone cord, earbud, or anything that would indicate a potential communication barrier.
It only makes sense as to why you assumed I was ignoring the entire ordeal. You couldn’t possibly have known that I’m almost completely deaf in my right ear.
Now I’ll admit I was listening to some pretty loud music with my left ear, which certainly affected my level of situational awareness (Don’t tell my Audiologist). But overall, I simply was not paying attention.
I felt bad once I realized what happened, knowing firsthand how awful it can be when someone treats you like you don’t exist. I also know what it’s like to be intentionally publicly humiliated…
Unfortunately, this was not the first time I’ve experienced such a scene, and it will not be the last.
When the light changed to signal it was safe to walk, I chose to let it go without adding insult to injury. I knew had I spoken my truth, it would’ve deeply embarrassed you.
In that moment, the opportunity to clear the air had passed, and we all silently stepped forward to go our separate ways.
To read Strangers: Part Two, click here!
Strangers is excerpted from a book Sarah Cameron is writing titled On Perspectives: What You Don’t See. A collection of stories highlighting situations that someone living with an invisible illness or disability will encounter throughout their day-to-day lives. A point of view that would otherwise remain unknown to others. Keep an eye out here for the continuation of Strangers, as well as other Perspectives from Sarah’s upcoming book. You can also follow Sarah on her new Instagram page for updates on future projects.
Sarah Cameron has been an avid writer at heart since early childhood and has recently rediscovered her voice. This resulted in writing a multitude of essays and memoirs she hopes to one day publish. These works intend to shine a light below the surface of the proverbial iceberg of everyday life. Such topics as surviving abuse and finding healing through truth, to living with invisible illnesses and the stigma attached to them. Sarah helps shift the perspective to raise awareness using relatable analogies and light humor while focusing on unspoken truth. Her hope is to amplify the voices of those who aren’t heard with her writing and public speaking. Learn more about her on Our Contributors page!
It’s a very interesting statistic. We don’t ever know what goes on in people’s lives. My husband and I both have invisible disabilities and we get judged SO much while those who judge don’t know the full facts. It’s actually disturbing.
This is such an interesting perspective. I sometimes do wonder what kind of lives strangers live. I sometimes want to go up to them and be like, “So what’s your story?”
I like your insight about noticing others. I am a people watcher and I do notice things like this.
This post is a great reminder to always be kind and understanding, because you never know what struggles others are facing.
I can totally relate to this. And I feel like people often criticize others for small things — yet you never know what someone could be going through, like disability, or divorce, or abuse, or anything else.
This is an eye opener for most people. Most of the times, we don’t realize that each of us has our own weaknesses. They may not be actual ‘disabilities’ but this is why sometimes, we can’t judge or react to someone’s behavior right away because we don’t know what they are going through or have gone through in their own life.
So true that you never know what people are going through. I always try to be kind to everyone I meet but this is a good reminder.
I like your perspective, and I can relate to this. I hope everyone thinks 100x before they open their mouth.
This is what I like reading, topics like this. Knowing different thinking is very informative, so many learnings are coming from it.
That sounds like it would be an interesting book. So many people have invisible illnesses these days yet people don’t consider that very often if it isn’t something that affects them or someone close to them. If we all try to work on being kind to all the world would be a much better place x
This is so moving. I love analysing the way we observe people. Like you rightly shared, sometimes, we look at strangers because they are wearing the same dress or holding the same bag. And that perspective shift, I would love to read this book for sure, it so my kind of thing
I love love love your style of writing, it is just amazing….This part “So, whether you caught me on a good day or not, the end result will be the same. The very fact that you saw me speaks volumes of consequences that will reverberate throughout my existence for the coming days.” SO GOOD…Thank you so much for sharing.
Great post! You truly never know what someone might be going through, which is why it’s so important to lead with kindness and compassion. People often see only the outside, not the inner pain that some are silently battling just to make it through each day. Sounds like a great book to read!
I didn’t realize how much strength it takes for people with hidden struggles to keep going each day. I’m going to do better—pay closer attention and offer kindness first, without assuming!
As much as this is a very touching and sensitive matter, I must acknowledge that it was such a great read. I am working towards being more aware of the struggles of others.
This is so true, what people notice on the outside and what’s actually going on, beneath our exterior is completely invisible.
I think it’s so important for all of us to remember that what we see is only a fraction of what’s actually happening around us and with others.
I have chronic fatigue, brain fog, confusion, and weakness from long COVID, but you would never know if you saw me out in the world. I feel this deeply.
You have raised such a valid topic, people have disabilities that are invisible and many a times they are judged harshly for them . We should all be a bit more thoughtful in these situations and not jump to conclusions.
This is such a thoughtful and much needed article. So many of us take for granted what is needed for people to move around from day to day. I will share this with my friends for awareness.
You never know what happens behind closed doors or what’s going on in a stranger’s life. Reading this blog post gives a fascinating perspective!
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Everyone has a story and difficulties in their lives. We should all be more understanding of everyday struggles that many of us go through.
Being kind to a stranger is essential in my opinion. Thanks a lot for this terrific reminder!
I did not know about that statistic! I do feel like kindness gets you far, and it’s better to think people may just be having a bad day or need to rush, etc.
The part about how a simple smile from a stranger can shift your whole day really stuck with me. It’s easy to forget how much small moments can matter.
This article brings such an important perspective. It’s eye-opening to think about how strangers perceive those of us living with chronic pain, and the emotional toll it takes. Understanding and empathy go such a long way, and it’s something we all need to remember more often. Thank you for shedding light on this!
It is important to be kind to all of people at all time. Because we don’t know what inside of their mind. I hope many people can look this for them to respect other peoples emotion.