BY: Katheryn Bermann
Who would have thought that stepping on the sidewalk wrong would cause mobility issues for the rest of my life?
I’m Katheryn Bermann. Military veteran, business owner and living with chronic pain. I knew I had inherited my mom’s weak ankles, and I had rolled them many times already prior to military service. I don’t know why that time on active duty was any different, but it was. Seven years later, physical therapy, prescription pain cream, OTC medication, stretching, yoga, and more self-care remedies than I can count haven’t been able to eliminate the pain.
And in that time, I’ve encountered a LOT of misinformation about what chronic pain is like. As someone who lives with it, I want to correct some of these myths.
Starting with….
People With Chronic Pain Just Need to Try Harder
“If you try hard enough, you can do anything!”
How many times have you heard some variation on this phrase? That if you just put forth a little more effort, things would finally work out. Let me tell you something about living with chronic pain. It’s not a matter of effort.
Believe me, we WANT to do all the things. It’s not a question of motivation. We physically cannot do it because of the pain we’re in. No amount of effort is going to change that. And in fact, pushing ourselves beyond what we know our body can take can be incredibly damaging.
I wish it wasn’t like this! I wish that on a day when the pain is bad, I could just push through it without worrying about making anything worse. I’ve worked through headaches, stomachaches, dehydration, and sleep deprivation. The difference is that all those things eventually “reset” themselves. The headache subsides, and the stomach works through whatever was troubling it. Not so with chronic pain. It never goes away.
People With Chronic Pain Are Making It Up
If you were to look at an x-ray of my right foot, you would see several things. The first is lots of cloudiness around my ankle. That’s inflammation. You would also see what appears to be a free-floating bone fragment near the top of my foot. A foot is not supposed to look like this!
As weird as it sounds, I consider myself lucky for that. Some people have clean X-rays. Or clear MRIs. Or clear whatever. There is nothing they can point to as an explanation, which makes it only too easy for their pain to be labeled as “all in their head.”
Now, as someone who studies psychology for a living, I’m aware that in some cases, pain is faked. In these cases, there is truly an underlying mental health concern that needs to be addressed.
I’m not a doctor or a psychiatrist, so I will leave the nuances of clinical decision-making to the professionals. I just know my own body and what is real for me. I bet others in the chronic pain community know that, too.
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If People With Chronic Pain Tried [Insert Anything Here], They Wouldn’t Be In Pain Anymore
Yoga, qigong, breathwork, essential oils, teas, stretches, dry needling, therapy of all kinds, acupressure, and magnesium (and that’s off the top of my head). Believe me, if something worked long-term, I probably would have found it by now.
As a person with chronic pain, I have dedicated a significant amount of time, effort, and money into trying to make the pain go away. I want to do more things with my life and not be limited. I am fortunate to have a background in research, so I even go a step further and consult academic journals and papers. You would be shocked to learn how much time I spend online looking into my own pain and potential remedies.
Sometimes, these unsolicited suggestions do come from a good place. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to help. But please, do not label something as a magic cure for pain. In my experience, there is no such thing.
People With Chronic Pain Can Just Fix The Underlying Cause of It And Not Be in Pain Anymore
Take my own story as an example. My foot is not broken. I can walk. Sometimes, the pain flares up such that I limp, but I can still walk. I am not legally disabled by this injury. So, what would happen if I went to my doctor and said that I wanted my foot fixed? Medically speaking, surgical intervention is not necessary. Such an operation would probably not be covered by insurance because of this. I do not have the thousands of dollars it would likely take to pay for it, and what doctor would sign off on it if it’s technically not necessary?
“Fixing” the source of the pain is not that simple, and that’s when the cause is known. How would you expect a person to “fix” pain that has no discernible physical cause? Plus, there is always a chance that an intervention that is supposed to work simply doesn’t. At this point in my life, I’m not willing to go through the numerous hoops that would be required to even try to have an operation done on my foot. I could be totally wrong about how the process works, or I could just be plain old stubborn. In either case, I view trying to fix my foot surgically as something that would take a lot of time and effort with no guaranteed result.
People With Chronic Pain Have Pain-Free Days
I’m always in pain. It’s not always noticeable to others, but it’s there. Just because I’m not limping doesn’t mean I’m not in pain.
I think this is probably the hardest thing for someone who doesn’t have chronic pain to wrap their head around. As I write this, I am in a recliner. I have my feet up with no weight on them. My right foot is still stiff and sore. Did I do anything physically challenging today? No. On that 0-10 scale that doctors always tell you to rate your pain on, I’m at a 2. And to reiterate, this is with no weight being placed on my foot.
When I work out, I am scared to do moves on one leg. I am afraid of my ankle just giving out. I’m careful how I walk up and down stairs so that I don’t put too much weight on my bad foot. I lead with my left foot when I enter and exit vehicles. I know I will probably never complete my bucket list item of running a marathon. I wear inserts in all my shoes for extra support, and the only time I don’t is when I wear shoes recommended by my physical therapist.
I am barely into my 30’s, and I have accepted all these things as reality for the rest of my life.
My pain is real, and it limits me in ways that impact me on a daily basis. Given the choice, I would want a pain-free life. I hope this article has shed some light on what it’s like to live with chronic pain. I want patience and understanding, not pity. I am not less than anyone else because of my pain, nor does it make my accomplishments any less valid. It is simply something I live with.
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I’m a neurodivergent woman (AuDHD) and military veteran. I have decades of lived experience navigating a world that isn’t built for how your brain works, including trying to access neuro-affirming healthcare and therapeutic services. I’ve been through a lot personally and have taught myself a significant amount about the effects of trauma on the body and mind. Professionally, I have lived many lives, with the majority of my experience being in social services, working with children like me who are neurodivergent. If you would like to learn more, please visit Our Contributors page!