I’ve quite been struggling with my self-esteem as of lately. I mean, it was really bad when I first started dating my current boyfriend, but it has since gotten better. However, I still have my days. As I look at social media, I’m constantly inundated with photos of everyone in makeup and how they do their beauty routines. Then I feel myself wondering, am I doing something wrong? I’m not Instagram Model Pretty, that’s for sure.
I certainly don’t know how to contour my face like so many Youtubers do. I’ve watched tons of videos on it and I just can’t seem to get the hang of it. I don’t put on a facade for Facebook. The way I look is the way that I look. I do wonder what kind of message we are sending when we are constantly in makeup, even just to run to the store. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I get it. I throw on makeup sometimes too just to run an errand. But I don’t make it an everyday thing.
I finally went and dyed my hair black just because I was sick of trying to keep up with the blonde. It’s just too hard for me. Especially being someone who is chronically ill. I know that there is no doubt that my illnesses and constant pain play a role in how I feel about myself. I don’t “dress up” often. Typically, my wardrobe consists of a pair of black pants and a tee-shirt. But I do have dresses and there are days when I know that I am doing something special that I will throw one on along with some makeup.
My boyfriend seems to think that I am beautiful. I look in the mirror, and I just can’t seem to see it. All I see are rolls where I don’t want there to be any, a round face, stringy hair, etc. Am I being too hard on myself? Perhaps. Well, no, I know that I am. I know it is going to take some internal work in order to get myself sorted out. But I think I have to get myself sorted out on the outside first before I begin working on the inside. Don’t get me wrong, I go to therapy and things like that. Even my son, Syrus, when I say something against myself, he immediately, on a dime says “Mom! Self-esteem!” as a reminder to not beat myself up. Guess it’s pretty bad when you’ve got your ten-year-old putting you in check, right?
But, I have this brand new blog that I am absolutely over-the-moon happy about. It is definitely going to be giving me the chance to branch out into other areas, which I am pretty excited about doing, and I can’t thank my boyfriend and my family enough for believing in me. That alone means the world to me. Thank you for visiting my little corner of the web! If you feel so compelled, please leave a comment! I would love to chat!