Radio Silence
Radio silence. I know that is what everyone has been hearing from me lately. But it is not without a good reason, though. To be honest, I was first in a mental ward at the beginning of May. Then, I ended up relapsed into my depression so quickly that I actually went to a bona fide behavioral hospital. As you guys know, this doesn’t make me ashamed. For the past couple of weeks, I had felt myself slowly slipping into a dark place.
I had no ambition to do anything at all. So, I took it into my own hands and called 911 myself. I knew that the suicidal thoughts were overtaking me. I knew that this time around that a simple phone call to my psychiatrist wasn’t going to be enough, so I signed myself into our local behavioral health center. I needed to make changes, which is a slow process, but I had to start somewhere.
The first night and subsequent day were rough. I really just wanted to spend time in bed. The chronic pain that I live with just is so relentless. I couldn’t even get any pain medication on the ward or in the hospital. But I had to press on. So I did. I was awake every morning journaling. I was eventually released. But I had a full breakdown about a week later and was sent to a psychiatric hospital to be evaluated further.
I was in there for six days. Six days of intensive groups and seeing a psychiatrist, it was something that I needed though. That kick in the ass, that motivation to get the fuck up and start living my life. My boyfriend even bought me self-help books, which are really good, one of them is by Brene Brown, I hadn’t been introduced to her work until then. I definitely want to read more of her stuff!
Currently, I am in a virtual intensive outpatient program, where I go to a group – thank heavens for Zoom, right? And we all just kind of hash everything out. It is helpful, and I do enjoy it, even though I still have some days where I don’t even want to bother. I get up and I go do things. I’m slowly getting back to life again. I just have to learn more about how to fix my self-esteem. What do you find can help with your self-esteem?
Jennifer I commend you!! It’s a strong person who knows when they need to seek help. .Outpatient is good too, It keeps you focused on what to do for you! Take some time for Jennifer and love and spoil her.
I’m so sorry for you.Hang in there and things will get better.I’m glad you got the help you needed.
Hey Jennifer! I’m so very proud of you! Your willingness to share your journey sincerely inspires many! We love you dearly! Pips! 🥰
Hey Jen: Take it one moment at a time. How do you fix your self esteem? It’s by talking kindly to yourself, as you would a best friend. Do it even if it doesn’t feel comfortable. Do it daily. You will get used to it. Start with one time a day, then work up to twice a day. Eventually 3x per day, preferably looking in a mirror but ok if you don’t want to yet. Examples: “Good morning Jennifer, you are a kind, strong and wonderful young woman. You are worth being loved and many want to be loved by you.”
“Good Afternoon Jen, you’re doing a great job holding yourself accountable and doing the hard work to get healthy and stay healthy. So many people care about you and appreciate you in their lives. You are wonderful just being you!”
“Good evening Jennifer. You are a gift to this world. Your integrity, creativity, compassion, and pure love for others is an asset to many. Each day your improving and changing to be the best you possible. Grateful for my life and the lives of those I care so much about, now and always.”
Probably best if you put the affirmations in the “I” (first person) tense. Hope this helped you Jennifer. Sending you lots of hugs, love, friendship, and positivity. I believe in you! xxoo ♥️♥️ Heather